Now Watching: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, based on a novel written by Stephen Chbosky, is a story of a young 15-year old boy named Charlie (Logan Lerman) dealing with diverse issues including his first love with friend Sam (Emma Watson), fitting in as a freshman in high school, the recent suicide of his best friend, and coping with his own anger issues and mental illness. It is a good story of finding one’s self despite our own struggles and weaknesses. It is a story of acceptance, of finding love and friendship, and of finding our own place – whether as a wallflower or otherwise - in this chaotic world.

Quotable quotes:

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick the people who treat us like we’re nothing?

Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

 

Charlie: So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

Charlie: This one moment you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listing to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And this moment, I swear, we are infinite.

Of Old School Poetry

I look at you and I feel much disdain

Why do you hide all the sorrow and pain?

You're never content; nothing's ever enough

When will you realize how much you are loved?

- THA, 02/18/2011

Writing

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know who or what influenced me, but way back in elementary, as soon as we were allowed to join a club/organization, I immediately knew which one to join – the school newspaper. I’ve ventured into all kinds - from writing in Filipino (the “lathalain” was my personal fave, i.e. a Filipino feature story), to writing poetry; from attempting to draft screenplays, to writing the more common prose forms.

The problem with me, though, is that I don’t exactly have a firm commitment with my writing - I write whenever I want to, wherever I want to. I write as a form of release of whatever feelings or emotions I have deep down inside me, but I’ve never really kept track of whatever I write. I’ve started blogs, only to delete them after some time. I sometimes find pieces of paper inserted in my books, notebooks or planners, with my scribbled thoughts in the form of literary what-have-you’s.

Today, I tell myself to try to maintain a record of everything I write. I guess it’d also be nice to have a compilation so that in the future, I can have a good trip down memory lane of my previous thoughts and words.  And one more thing – every time I find a loose sheet of something I’ve written previously, it might be good to keep them, or perhaps post some in this blog for archiving purposes.

My So-Called (Gay) Life

I won’t deny it - I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember. During my childhood years, I’ve always been attracted to men – MacGyver, Jason Bateman in Teen Wolf, Neil Patrick Harris in Doogie Howser, and yes, even the New Kids on the Block were on the top of my list. (Yes, I’m old.)

But growing up in a world where being gay is taboo, I went on with the “normal” routine of liking girls and hanging out with the boys. I guess what confused me all the more is that I was not your pre-conceived notion of a gay guy. I was not into dolls, I never thought of cross-dressing, and I most certainly did not have a penchant for Barbra Streisand, Cher or Mariah Carey. In fact, I was into sports (and excelling, at that), and was the kid who was among those picked first in barnyard games. I’ve had my fair share of being teased and bullied perhaps because of my delicate actions, but on the average, I think I grew up as “normal” as I could.

I guess I started gaining my confidence when I went to college. It was a completely different environment and I started gaining the respect of my peers both in personal and work-related matters. It was at this time that I discovered freedom and met more “people like me,” yet still, I hung on to my act of being straight and “normal.” I continued with being a well-rounded individual – a student leader, an athlete and a fair student with no failing marks. This went on until law school where I felt I gained even greater respect especially from colleagues who were achievers in their own right.

Fast forward to today. I’ve actually learned to finally accept myself for who I am. Recently, I came out of the closet to my closest friends and to my family, all of whom are extremely supportive of me. Though we don’t really talk about my being gay often with my family, the fact that they know about me and that nothing has changed makes me feel comfortable and happy. I don’t need my dad to tell me, “You’re gay, but I still love you.” (with matching hug afterwards). Indeed, actions speak louder than words. And from the actions of my family, they’re completely accepting of my sexuality, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m still not completely out to the public, though. I guess it would take a bit more time. But having said all that, I think I am ready to tell other close friends about my sexuality if they ask me about it. To hell what other people think. In this lifetime, I’ve established myself to be a good and respected person. I’ve made personal and professional achievements which I can be proud of, and if someone doesn’t agree with my sexuality, then those people shouldn’t really matter to begin with.

I’ve been carrying on in this journey since I was born. We are all born with burdens - mine was living the secret life of being gay. But burdens need not forever hamper your personal growth. Take it one step at a time. Learn to accept what is given to you. In time, you’ll realize that the most important thing in your life is not what other people think about you, but it is how you learn to love yourself for who you are.

Gimme some BJ!

Yes, folks. He’s my ultimate crush. My one true love. The only person whom I told my previous boyfriends that I would leave them for in case he decides to pursue me (even if it’s just in my dreams). Brent Javier - Who could ever resist that pretty face which you could stare at for days, and that gorgeous lean body that screams both hot and sexy, and boyish and innocent at the same time.

I have loads of Brent’s pictures in my laptop but those shown here are my top three including probably his first ever big hit in print at the Cosmo magazine’s issue on the top bachelors, and his latest picture showing a more daring side of him. (Yes, two of his three pictures are practically nude. So I really dig his body?)

Brent Javier. BJ to me. I’ve always loved and will always love some hot BJ action!

All Suited Up

I’ve never been one to be into lawyer books, films or TV series mainly because lawyerly stuff is what I do for a living. When I engage in leisurely activities, I want them to be thoroughly relaxing and completely different from what I do on an everyday basis. At the end of a busy day, I want my books and movies to take me to another world where I can be someone else aside from the regular boring attorney me. (Plus, lawyering is depicted as something so exciting – an exaggeration of sorts – which I just could not take without my blunt side comments.) 

So it took me as a surprise when, after experimenting on watching the first few episodes, I was immediately hooked on Suits. Suits is set in a New York City law firm and features a brilliant corporate lawyer, Harvey Specter (Gabriel Macht), who hires Mike Ross (Patrick J. Adams) as his associate, who is a college dropout but is impressive with his wit and superb memory. What got to me is that the TV series does not go over the top with its method of solving cases. (No eureka moments which I utterly dislike – those things just never happen in the real world.) It likewise shows the emotional and practical side to each and every legal dispute with the most unlikely of characters – Harvey, who is supposedly arrogant and unattached to his clients; and Mike, who is, to begin with, not even a real lawyer.

Though I was not brought to a different world during my leisure time, I was instead brought back to the fondest of memories in my law practice - from way back when I was starting as an associate in a law firm, and some more recent events where I was able to close corporate deals and settlements for the company where I was working.

So in a span of a few days, I was able to finish the first season. It certainly helps that Patrick J. Adams is so cute with his boyish good looks and charm (Plus, that sling bag while he’s wearing a suit – oh, I want to be able to pull that off.) I’ve got the second season ready and waiting for me. I’m all suited up for another round of some legal (and not-so-legal) action!

Kudos, Jason Collins

This week, the world witnessed as the first active NBA player outed himself and proudly proclaimed, “I’m gay.” Jason Collins wrote in Sports Illustrated saying, “I’m a 34-year old NBA center. I’m black and I’m gay.”

Kudos, Jason Collins, for giving gay men like me a glimmer of hope that someday, people like us will truly be treated as normal and as equals in every sense of the word.

The public announcement came as a surprise to most of his colleagues, but was received with positive reactions from more popular basketball players such as Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Steve Nash and Tony Parker. Even President Obama called Collins “to express his support and said he was impressed by his courage.”

Having been an athlete all my life, I’ve always been very careful not to tread on dangerous waters at the risk of outing myself to my coach and my teammates. Way back when I was in high school and at the university, I was a member of different varsity teams, some of which were contact sports, and I know how the “boys locker room” mentality can get. Luckily, I was never put in a situation where I was looked down on because of my sexuality, but oh, do I know the pressures and tortures endured by openly gay men.

Currently, the profession I am in right now is not exactly accepting of gay men. The legal world is a cut-throat profession, and in order to survive, you have to show strength and firmness, and sadly, yes – masculinity. It is a field which is not exactly for gay men. Or at least not for what society perceives a gay man to be.

But thank you for people like Jason Collins who are bold enough to show the world that gay men are not the typical stereotypes who wear drag and make-up. All gay men are unique in their own ways, with different sets of skill and interests. So, once again, kudos, Jason Collins! I certainly hope you pave the way for other renowned gay men to be brave enough to proclaim their homosexuality so that normal people like me would one day follow suit.

Case of Forcible Deportation

The (not-so) current talk of the town is that three men from the United Arab Emirates (UAE) who were supposed to attend an annual culture festival were banned entry and forcibly deported by religious police in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. It seems that they were banned because of their good looks as the festival officials feared that “the female visitors could fall for them.”

I don’t blame the festival officials. One of the guys rumored to be one of the three men, Emirati poet and actor Omar Borkan Al Gala, is really handsome.

But given all that, I have one thing to say: You can enter my country any time, baby!