Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Self

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Self,

By this time, you are fresh out of high school and about to enter uncharted territory. You may feel lost along the way, wondering if you went to the right university or if you picked the right course, but do not fret. Everything will turn out just fine. Besides, that feeling of being lost – it never goes away. It will haunt you until you’re twice your age and will continue to haunt you until you die. Just remember that despite feeling lost, trust your instincts and give everything your all. That’s when you will feel successful in your life.

This will be the first time you will experience freedom – living by yourself, away from parents and able to stay till late outside during weekdays. Do not abuse this freedom. It is extremely tempting, but do not forget your responsibilities as a student. That is the foremost reason you were given that freedom in the first place.

Don’t set your expectations too low. Aim for the stars, if possible. Do not be contented with mediocrity: of just passing each subject, or being able to pull off a presentation with an all-nighter as preparation. You’ll eventually realize that hard work does pay off, if not through lessons learned, through its literal meaning of being paid off in pecuniary form.

Always remember that it’s okay to be gay. Aside from that, it’s also okay to take your time until you’re ready to tell the people closest to you that you are attracted to the same sex. When you’re older and you’ve met the people who will stick by you no matter what, you will find it a lot easier to come out of the closet to them. There are even those who already just know, or have known from the beginning of your friendship, but have accepted you for who you are, and love you just the same.

You may (or will) lose your virginity at that age. And it will be the start of an exciting journey. Learn to exercise good discretion, and while you’re at it, exercise your thigh and leg muscles as well, as these will help you in achieving a good balance in your (secret) sex life. At times, you may feel on top (yes, ironic…) of the world with endless opportunities going your way, but try to limit them and choose only the best. This will only go on for a certain phase, and after that, you will find meaningless sex exactly as it truly is – meaningless.

You will find it necessary to always be on good side of every person you meet. Remember this: you don’t have to please everyone. You don’t have to be friends with every acquaintance or every classmate, because after college, chances are, you’ll never get to meet them again. You’ll eventually realize that in terms of friends, quality is better than quantity; and that even those whom you thought you were close with will eventually drift away from you, and you will be left with only those friends who will stay with you for your lifetime.

I have a lot of other things I want to tell you: Don’t drink and smoke too much. Take your accounting classes seriously. Dress well. Read more. Write often. Take your relationships seriously. Don’t take family for granted. Don’t cheat on tests. Attend varsity practice religiously. Eat more vegetables. Pray. And use sunscreen.

The list would go on forever. But I’ll end by telling you to make the most out of life. Don’t regret anything you’ve done because these form part of what makes you you, and there’s no other way of living life except by being who you truly are.

Love,

Your Thirty-Something Year Old Self

Now Watching: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, based on a novel written by Stephen Chbosky, is a story of a young 15-year old boy named Charlie (Logan Lerman) dealing with diverse issues including his first love with friend Sam (Emma Watson), fitting in as a freshman in high school, the recent suicide of his best friend, and coping with his own anger issues and mental illness. It is a good story of finding one’s self despite our own struggles and weaknesses. It is a story of acceptance, of finding love and friendship, and of finding our own place – whether as a wallflower or otherwise - in this chaotic world.

Quotable quotes:

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick the people who treat us like we’re nothing?

Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

 

Charlie: So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

Charlie: This one moment you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listing to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And this moment, I swear, we are infinite.

My So-Called (Gay) Life

I won’t deny it - I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember. During my childhood years, I’ve always been attracted to men – MacGyver, Jason Bateman in Teen Wolf, Neil Patrick Harris in Doogie Howser, and yes, even the New Kids on the Block were on the top of my list. (Yes, I’m old.)

But growing up in a world where being gay is taboo, I went on with the “normal” routine of liking girls and hanging out with the boys. I guess what confused me all the more is that I was not your pre-conceived notion of a gay guy. I was not into dolls, I never thought of cross-dressing, and I most certainly did not have a penchant for Barbra Streisand, Cher or Mariah Carey. In fact, I was into sports (and excelling, at that), and was the kid who was among those picked first in barnyard games. I’ve had my fair share of being teased and bullied perhaps because of my delicate actions, but on the average, I think I grew up as “normal” as I could.

I guess I started gaining my confidence when I went to college. It was a completely different environment and I started gaining the respect of my peers both in personal and work-related matters. It was at this time that I discovered freedom and met more “people like me,” yet still, I hung on to my act of being straight and “normal.” I continued with being a well-rounded individual – a student leader, an athlete and a fair student with no failing marks. This went on until law school where I felt I gained even greater respect especially from colleagues who were achievers in their own right.

Fast forward to today. I’ve actually learned to finally accept myself for who I am. Recently, I came out of the closet to my closest friends and to my family, all of whom are extremely supportive of me. Though we don’t really talk about my being gay often with my family, the fact that they know about me and that nothing has changed makes me feel comfortable and happy. I don’t need my dad to tell me, “You’re gay, but I still love you.” (with matching hug afterwards). Indeed, actions speak louder than words. And from the actions of my family, they’re completely accepting of my sexuality, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m still not completely out to the public, though. I guess it would take a bit more time. But having said all that, I think I am ready to tell other close friends about my sexuality if they ask me about it. To hell what other people think. In this lifetime, I’ve established myself to be a good and respected person. I’ve made personal and professional achievements which I can be proud of, and if someone doesn’t agree with my sexuality, then those people shouldn’t really matter to begin with.

I’ve been carrying on in this journey since I was born. We are all born with burdens - mine was living the secret life of being gay. But burdens need not forever hamper your personal growth. Take it one step at a time. Learn to accept what is given to you. In time, you’ll realize that the most important thing in your life is not what other people think about you, but it is how you learn to love yourself for who you are.