That Leap of Faith

It’s probably because of my age and the fact that I’ve been in two long-term relationships that I am now very picky when it comes to settling down and starting a relationship with a guy. In my previous relationships, I barely knew my partner when we got together. Both were whirlwind romances of sorts, such that after a few dates (which led to you-know-where), we decided to take that leap and become committed to each other. While both relationships lasted for years, both ended because of the realization that, while we would still be compatible as friends, we just weren’t compatible as life-long partners. Which brings me to my point – I’d want my next partner to be my last one. I’d like to know him very well before entering into a serious relationship. And, I have come to terms with myself that if that does not happen in this lifetime, then so be it.

This is probably the reason why I now have very high standards in men. A good educational background is a must (which should translate in good communication skills). I’d also prefer someone who is financially stable and can keep up with my lifestyle (that’s but fair, right?). Of course, sexual compatibility is still a requirement, but it’s no longer the priority unlike before.

I’ve dated a number of guys for the past year or so that I became single. Nerdy engineer had passed all my requirements, but we were both so driven in our careers that we no longer had time for each other. Also, while I prefer an introvert like me, he was extremely introverted, which was, sort of a deal breaker for me. We remain good friends until this day. Marketing guy was a chubby but handsome Spanish-looking dude. Our dates were perfect – he had no qualms holding my hand discreetly in public, we were compatible in bed and we were of similar family backgrounds. Until he confessed he was already in a relationship. To be honest, I considered being the legal “mistress,” but eventually decided against it. I have not communicated with him ever since. And then there’s this adorable 19-year old guy. He’s still studying, but is extremely mature for his age. With his solid goals in life, I sometimes think that he is more mature in age than I am. But the thought of the more-than-a-decade age gap has always been at the back of my head, wondering if there is indeed a future for us. We still have good long talks, but not as frequent as before. I made that conscious effort since I am scared to completely fall for him.

I have never been the type to search for Mr. Right. For me, people come and go in our lives, and whoever is meant to stay, will stay. While I know that there are a lot of fish in the sea, and that I would eventually find the right one for me, at times I think that I prefer a big, fat, juicy medium-well steak all by my lonesome and I’d be completely satisfied with it.

Since I Know You Don’t Read My Blog Anyways

I’ve been trying a number of different approaches to writing this blog post in order for it to be not too cheesy and not too serious, but I just couldn’t seem to find the perfect words. So, today, I have resolved to say it the best way I can, and in the manner I am accustomed to – through simple, straightforward words.

www.becomegorgeous.com

Since I know you don’t read my blog anyways, let me begin by saying that I am grateful that the universe conspired for us to meet each other. We met at a time when we were both not searching for that special someone. Instead, both of us wanted to focus on other aspects of our lives. I know it was all by chance, but I know you feel it too that the connection (or maybe even the spark?) was immediately there.

I love it how we’re both taking things very slowly. After all, it has only been two months since we’ve known each other. Also, we both just got out of relationships. I’m glad that we’re on the same page that this time around, perhaps it’s best to get to know each other really well before entering into anything serious.

I love it that I can easily tell you anything and everything, and you will not judge me for my past or for my beliefs. (You will judge me, though, on my poor grammar; but that’s alright, because I will do the same to you.) I’m glad that you are, first and foremost, my “best friend” (with benefits?) before anything else.  I love it that we can talk about our future together and still keep a level head about these things.

Lastly, I don’t want to say it too often because the words might lose their meaning, but I love you, I really do.

(And if you ever get to read this blog post, I will plead insanity or inebriation at the time of writing.)

Same Love

Thank you, Macklemore, Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert for this song which goes right through the heart of every gay person who just wishes to be given equal treatment in society.

While the lyrics speak for itself there are two things which I love about the song: first, is the medium in which it was expressed; and second, is the tenor in which the song was written.

I love that it was done in rap/hip hop, simply because the said genre is supposedly one that is purely masculine. And yet, this song deals with a topic which does not exude the typical masculinity which society imposes, but instead encourages equality among all despite one’s sexual orientation and preference.

I also love the tenor or the manner in which it was written – not too emotional, not too mushy; just plain straightforward language which everyone would easily understand. The lyrics likewise deviates from all the drama linked with the stereotypical gay rights movement which is the wrong perception of society.

“And a certificate on paper / Isn’t gonna solve it all / But it’s a damn good place to start.

No laws gonna change us / We have to change us

Whatever God you believe in / We come from the same one

Strip away the fear / Underneath, it’s all the same love”

My Gay Guilty Pleasure

Is not beauty pageants or My Husband’s Lover or the cheer dance competition. If there is one ultimate give-away that I have, it is that I have been an avid fan of America’s Next Top Model (ANTM) for the longest time. I’ve been hooked since its third cycle, and have been following it ever since. It’s kinda weird, since I am neither into fashion (I am the least vain gay guy you’ll ever meet) nor modeling (I honestly don’t know how to tell a “good photo” from a bad one), but I like its reality-TV format and the different personalities of the contestants and the experiences they get from the show. I am more into ANTM this current cycle (20^th) since there are male contestants now, and boy, are they yummy.

www.hufftingtonpost.com

Here’s my favorite guy whom I’ve loved from day one.

Chris H. is not your typical boy-next-door good looking kind of guy, but he exudes so much manliness. And I feel those eyes staring back at me in his every picture, and my heart just melts. He is currently taking so much flak for being anti-social and having a repulsive attitude but I don’t really care.

www.wetpaint.com

While we’re at the subject, here are my Top 5 contestants of all time:

big-i-love-antm.blogspot.com

Ann Markkey (Cycle 3) –  She’s the reason why I got hooked on ANTM. I still consider her as having one of the prettiest faces among all contestants of ANTM.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

Ann Ward (Cycle 15) – This tall, awkward contestant seemed least likely to bag the top prize during her season, but she transforms into a classic beauty each time she was photographed.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

 Marjorie Conrad (Cycle 11) – I remember she lacked self-esteem, but every time she faced the camera, she was always giving it her all. I would never forget this picture of hers where she actually flushed the toilet with her foot during the photo shoot.

antm.wikia.com

McKey Sullivan (Cycle 11) – McKey had one of the best transformations in ANTM. She was given a pixie cut which showed off her pretty face that eventually made her win during her season. For me, she stands for elegance and beauty.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

Allison Harvard (Cycles 12 & 17) – Allison is my ultimate favorite among all contestants. She’s not the classic beauty but her gaze and quirkiness would make you give her photos a second look. I believe she should have won when she came back for ANTM All-Stars Cycle.

A Gay Lawyer's Brief Take on DOMA and Proposition 8

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2013/06/27/after-the-doma-ruling-faqs-about-the-rights-of-same-sex-couples/

Before the DOMA and Proposition 8 ruling of the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), a good friend once asked me if I thought that same sex marriages would ever be recognized legally here in the Philippines. I had no doubt with my answer, “Not in this lifetime.” Regardless of how Philippine society has already matured and moved on from its conservative roots, the Church still has a strong hold on the laws passed by Congress. My friend then retorted, “Sa bagay, kung ang divorce nga ng legal couples, hindi ma-pass eh, ang same sex marriage pa kaya.” (“It makes sense since if divorce laws for legal couples cannot be passed, what more same sex marriages.”)

I then replied that realistically speaking, if same sex marriages cannot be legalized, what I truly hope for in this country is the passing of laws governing same sex unions. Under the Family Code, property relations between a man and a wife who are “living in” are provided for. Property relations between same sex couples, however, are not, since they are considered void ab initio and can never ripen into validity for being against public morals. At the very least, I hope that laws are passed giving same sex unions some rights as regards property and inheritance if they meet certain standards that would make them pass as “ordinary” couples.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/26/supreme-court-doma-prop-8-rulings

This is the reason why I, together with the entire LGBT community, was elated with the decision of the SCOTUS in United States v. Windsor which struck down a provision in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that denies federal benefits to legally married same-sex couples such as Social Security benefits. The decision, penned by Justice Anthony Kennedy, recognized the equal dignity of same sex marriages. The case was filed by Edie Windsor, an 83-year old lesbian who married her partner after living together for more than four decades. Upon the death of her partner, Windsor inherited her partner’s estate but was charged with a huge amount of estate taxes since the then prevailing DOMA did not recognize her as the legal spouse. The victory of Windsor in the SCOTUS signified not only the return of the taxes she had paid, but a victory of the world-wide LGBT community, especially those affected and living in the U.S.

With the Windsor decision, the SCOTUS likewise ruled on the unconstitutionality of Proposition 8 (the State of California’s ban on same-sex marriages) albeit based on a mere technicality. Hollingsworth v. Perry was dismissed on the ground that the defendants did not have legal standing in court. Being mere private individuals who were not defended by public officials, i.e. the attorney-general , the defendants were deemed to have no capacity to sue in support of Proposition 8. The Hollingsworth decision does not have as much impact as the Windsor decision, since the SCOTUS in the former case did not dwell on its substantial issues. However, the result is something the LGBT community can be happy about since it, in effect, reinstated a lower court’s decision which ruled that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2013/06/27/gay-marriage-immigration/

The Windsor and Hollingsworth cases may not have a compelling effect in Philippine law. After all, our Civil Code (which includes the laws on family and property relations) was based on Spanish, and not American, laws. The Philippine Supreme Court rarely cites U.S. cases as legal basis for family courts cases; these are more common in commercial cases which involve the Corporation Code or transactional cases. However, given the strong influence which the U.S. has over Philippine culture, I am hopeful that this is the start of a paradigm shift which our country has against the LGBT community which would result in equality among all peoples – be they straight or otherwise.

My So-Called (Gay) Life

I won’t deny it - I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember. During my childhood years, I’ve always been attracted to men – MacGyver, Jason Bateman in Teen Wolf, Neil Patrick Harris in Doogie Howser, and yes, even the New Kids on the Block were on the top of my list. (Yes, I’m old.)

But growing up in a world where being gay is taboo, I went on with the “normal” routine of liking girls and hanging out with the boys. I guess what confused me all the more is that I was not your pre-conceived notion of a gay guy. I was not into dolls, I never thought of cross-dressing, and I most certainly did not have a penchant for Barbra Streisand, Cher or Mariah Carey. In fact, I was into sports (and excelling, at that), and was the kid who was among those picked first in barnyard games. I’ve had my fair share of being teased and bullied perhaps because of my delicate actions, but on the average, I think I grew up as “normal” as I could.

I guess I started gaining my confidence when I went to college. It was a completely different environment and I started gaining the respect of my peers both in personal and work-related matters. It was at this time that I discovered freedom and met more “people like me,” yet still, I hung on to my act of being straight and “normal.” I continued with being a well-rounded individual – a student leader, an athlete and a fair student with no failing marks. This went on until law school where I felt I gained even greater respect especially from colleagues who were achievers in their own right.

Fast forward to today. I’ve actually learned to finally accept myself for who I am. Recently, I came out of the closet to my closest friends and to my family, all of whom are extremely supportive of me. Though we don’t really talk about my being gay often with my family, the fact that they know about me and that nothing has changed makes me feel comfortable and happy. I don’t need my dad to tell me, “You’re gay, but I still love you.” (with matching hug afterwards). Indeed, actions speak louder than words. And from the actions of my family, they’re completely accepting of my sexuality, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m still not completely out to the public, though. I guess it would take a bit more time. But having said all that, I think I am ready to tell other close friends about my sexuality if they ask me about it. To hell what other people think. In this lifetime, I’ve established myself to be a good and respected person. I’ve made personal and professional achievements which I can be proud of, and if someone doesn’t agree with my sexuality, then those people shouldn’t really matter to begin with.

I’ve been carrying on in this journey since I was born. We are all born with burdens - mine was living the secret life of being gay. But burdens need not forever hamper your personal growth. Take it one step at a time. Learn to accept what is given to you. In time, you’ll realize that the most important thing in your life is not what other people think about you, but it is how you learn to love yourself for who you are.

Kudos, Jason Collins

This week, the world witnessed as the first active NBA player outed himself and proudly proclaimed, “I’m gay.” Jason Collins wrote in Sports Illustrated saying, “I’m a 34-year old NBA center. I’m black and I’m gay.”

Kudos, Jason Collins, for giving gay men like me a glimmer of hope that someday, people like us will truly be treated as normal and as equals in every sense of the word.

The public announcement came as a surprise to most of his colleagues, but was received with positive reactions from more popular basketball players such as Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Steve Nash and Tony Parker. Even President Obama called Collins “to express his support and said he was impressed by his courage.”

Having been an athlete all my life, I’ve always been very careful not to tread on dangerous waters at the risk of outing myself to my coach and my teammates. Way back when I was in high school and at the university, I was a member of different varsity teams, some of which were contact sports, and I know how the “boys locker room” mentality can get. Luckily, I was never put in a situation where I was looked down on because of my sexuality, but oh, do I know the pressures and tortures endured by openly gay men.

Currently, the profession I am in right now is not exactly accepting of gay men. The legal world is a cut-throat profession, and in order to survive, you have to show strength and firmness, and sadly, yes – masculinity. It is a field which is not exactly for gay men. Or at least not for what society perceives a gay man to be.

But thank you for people like Jason Collins who are bold enough to show the world that gay men are not the typical stereotypes who wear drag and make-up. All gay men are unique in their own ways, with different sets of skill and interests. So, once again, kudos, Jason Collins! I certainly hope you pave the way for other renowned gay men to be brave enough to proclaim their homosexuality so that normal people like me would one day follow suit.