Connection

http://humanconnectionproject.wordpress.com/

It is part of human nature that we all yearn for that connection with another human being. That connection varies in levels.

Some long for that physical connection, and this physicality further varies in degrees. While some may find a warm handshake or a tight hug or a pat on the back physically stimulating, others prefer a more sexual physical compatibility of satisfying their innermost fantasies and lustful pleasures.

Some long for that intellectual connection – that friend you can talk with for hours and hours, or that person whom you rarely see but would be there for you during your most vulnerable moments. Some even prefer that connection with a stranger whom you can tell your deepest darkest secrets, and that stranger is able to tell you as it is, no biases, no judgments. Some view this as a person whom you can discuss your different points of view or theories in life with. Or perhaps someone whom you share the same interests or ideologies with.

Some long for that emotional connection. Someone who understands what you’re going through, perhaps because that other person underwent the same or similar events in his or her life or just because that other person is a ready ear willing and able to listen. Someone whom you could cry with, be angry at, or just be silent with: no words are needed to be said for you to be comfortable and at ease with each other. The fact that the other person is there is enough.

No matter how much a person wishes to be alone at times, deep inside, what every person needs is a connection in whatever form, be it deep or merely superficial, with someone else in his life.

A Gay Lawyer's Brief Take on DOMA and Proposition 8

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2013/06/27/after-the-doma-ruling-faqs-about-the-rights-of-same-sex-couples/

Before the DOMA and Proposition 8 ruling of the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), a good friend once asked me if I thought that same sex marriages would ever be recognized legally here in the Philippines. I had no doubt with my answer, “Not in this lifetime.” Regardless of how Philippine society has already matured and moved on from its conservative roots, the Church still has a strong hold on the laws passed by Congress. My friend then retorted, “Sa bagay, kung ang divorce nga ng legal couples, hindi ma-pass eh, ang same sex marriage pa kaya.” (“It makes sense since if divorce laws for legal couples cannot be passed, what more same sex marriages.”)

I then replied that realistically speaking, if same sex marriages cannot be legalized, what I truly hope for in this country is the passing of laws governing same sex unions. Under the Family Code, property relations between a man and a wife who are “living in” are provided for. Property relations between same sex couples, however, are not, since they are considered void ab initio and can never ripen into validity for being against public morals. At the very least, I hope that laws are passed giving same sex unions some rights as regards property and inheritance if they meet certain standards that would make them pass as “ordinary” couples.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/26/supreme-court-doma-prop-8-rulings

This is the reason why I, together with the entire LGBT community, was elated with the decision of the SCOTUS in United States v. Windsor which struck down a provision in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that denies federal benefits to legally married same-sex couples such as Social Security benefits. The decision, penned by Justice Anthony Kennedy, recognized the equal dignity of same sex marriages. The case was filed by Edie Windsor, an 83-year old lesbian who married her partner after living together for more than four decades. Upon the death of her partner, Windsor inherited her partner’s estate but was charged with a huge amount of estate taxes since the then prevailing DOMA did not recognize her as the legal spouse. The victory of Windsor in the SCOTUS signified not only the return of the taxes she had paid, but a victory of the world-wide LGBT community, especially those affected and living in the U.S.

With the Windsor decision, the SCOTUS likewise ruled on the unconstitutionality of Proposition 8 (the State of California’s ban on same-sex marriages) albeit based on a mere technicality. Hollingsworth v. Perry was dismissed on the ground that the defendants did not have legal standing in court. Being mere private individuals who were not defended by public officials, i.e. the attorney-general , the defendants were deemed to have no capacity to sue in support of Proposition 8. The Hollingsworth decision does not have as much impact as the Windsor decision, since the SCOTUS in the former case did not dwell on its substantial issues. However, the result is something the LGBT community can be happy about since it, in effect, reinstated a lower court’s decision which ruled that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2013/06/27/gay-marriage-immigration/

The Windsor and Hollingsworth cases may not have a compelling effect in Philippine law. After all, our Civil Code (which includes the laws on family and property relations) was based on Spanish, and not American, laws. The Philippine Supreme Court rarely cites U.S. cases as legal basis for family courts cases; these are more common in commercial cases which involve the Corporation Code or transactional cases. However, given the strong influence which the U.S. has over Philippine culture, I am hopeful that this is the start of a paradigm shift which our country has against the LGBT community which would result in equality among all peoples – be they straight or otherwise.

Last night

Photo courtesy of http://ajtun.com/tag/ann-erpino/

Last night,

I found myself crying in my sleep.

I woke up and realized

that my nightmare was an impending reality:

a wicked truth I have been hiding from

and would eventually have to face.

Sleep was no longer a respite

from the vicious snares of certainty.

I found myself crying

not because of dreadful thoughts

but because of truth

and life itself.

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Self

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Self,

By this time, you are fresh out of high school and about to enter uncharted territory. You may feel lost along the way, wondering if you went to the right university or if you picked the right course, but do not fret. Everything will turn out just fine. Besides, that feeling of being lost – it never goes away. It will haunt you until you’re twice your age and will continue to haunt you until you die. Just remember that despite feeling lost, trust your instincts and give everything your all. That’s when you will feel successful in your life.

This will be the first time you will experience freedom – living by yourself, away from parents and able to stay till late outside during weekdays. Do not abuse this freedom. It is extremely tempting, but do not forget your responsibilities as a student. That is the foremost reason you were given that freedom in the first place.

Don’t set your expectations too low. Aim for the stars, if possible. Do not be contented with mediocrity: of just passing each subject, or being able to pull off a presentation with an all-nighter as preparation. You’ll eventually realize that hard work does pay off, if not through lessons learned, through its literal meaning of being paid off in pecuniary form.

Always remember that it’s okay to be gay. Aside from that, it’s also okay to take your time until you’re ready to tell the people closest to you that you are attracted to the same sex. When you’re older and you’ve met the people who will stick by you no matter what, you will find it a lot easier to come out of the closet to them. There are even those who already just know, or have known from the beginning of your friendship, but have accepted you for who you are, and love you just the same.

You may (or will) lose your virginity at that age. And it will be the start of an exciting journey. Learn to exercise good discretion, and while you’re at it, exercise your thigh and leg muscles as well, as these will help you in achieving a good balance in your (secret) sex life. At times, you may feel on top (yes, ironic…) of the world with endless opportunities going your way, but try to limit them and choose only the best. This will only go on for a certain phase, and after that, you will find meaningless sex exactly as it truly is – meaningless.

You will find it necessary to always be on good side of every person you meet. Remember this: you don’t have to please everyone. You don’t have to be friends with every acquaintance or every classmate, because after college, chances are, you’ll never get to meet them again. You’ll eventually realize that in terms of friends, quality is better than quantity; and that even those whom you thought you were close with will eventually drift away from you, and you will be left with only those friends who will stay with you for your lifetime.

I have a lot of other things I want to tell you: Don’t drink and smoke too much. Take your accounting classes seriously. Dress well. Read more. Write often. Take your relationships seriously. Don’t take family for granted. Don’t cheat on tests. Attend varsity practice religiously. Eat more vegetables. Pray. And use sunscreen.

The list would go on forever. But I’ll end by telling you to make the most out of life. Don’t regret anything you’ve done because these form part of what makes you you, and there’s no other way of living life except by being who you truly are.

Love,

Your Thirty-Something Year Old Self

Birthdays

In law school, the method of teaching was graded recitation everyday, the “Socratic method” they called it. The professor would prescribe the required reading material for the day, and the student should be prepared to recite on those readings each day. There were only two instances when you could escape the perils of graded recitation, the first being, if there was an event that day like the last day before Christmas break, or Valentine’s Day or the professor’s birthday, and the class would prepare a party complete with food and program. And second is if it were your birthday that day. You (or your classmates) could proudly declare that it was your birthday and the professor would take it lightly on you during recitation, or even give you a free pass.

There was one particular (brutal) professor though who was the exception to the exception. When he called a classmate for recitation during her birthday, he started giving a bit of trivia on birthdays. I’m not sure if he was just pulling our legs or not, but he said that the ancient Romans, who were good astronomers, believed that that alignment of stars during one’s birthday was such that the birthday celebrant was particularly unlucky during that day. As the day of birth approaches each year, the stars align in an inconvenient manner for the celebrant and that lack of luck reaches its peak during the day itself where untoward incidents are more likely to happen. Having said that, he continued with the graded recitation of my classmate, and said that he was just reinforcing such belief of the Romans.

I seem to be inclined to believe in my professor regarding birthdays. I was never really one to be excited about my own birthday even when I was a kid. I’m not really sure why, but I regarded my birthday just like any other day of the year. It just so happens that every year, our family gathers for lunch or dinner on that particular day. I’m not especially sad as my birthday approaches, but I just don’t get the extraordinariness of it. Plus, I somehow tend to be “out of it” as my birthday approaches. I am not able to function properly with work or school; I tend to be disorganized and forgetful; and I sometimes just get a bit irritated easily.

Maybe this would be a good subject to research on, but for the moment, as my birthday approaches, allow me to be a bit more negative than usual. I will be back to regular programming when the day passes.

The Single Life

My “relationship credentials” look very good on paper. Whenever someone asks me how many previous serious relationships I’ve had, I am quick with my reply. I’ve had two serious relationships: the first one was for almost seven years, and the next was for almost three years. All of the guys who ask (mostly from online) are equally quick with their common response – that I’m good with commitment and I’m definitely a keeper. I beg to differ.

I am not and will never be the sweet and thoughtful type of partner. I think there are just some people who are like that (me, for example). I am not the type who will send a message first. I also made it known right away with my exes that I am not the type to remember anniversaries, even more so monthsaries (and weeksaries!) However, I did make a concession that we can celebrate such occasions provided I am given prior notice. I remember what happened with my first ex whom I once brought to the hospital ER after having an accident at home. I was filling up his patient information form when suddenly, from a state of being fazed and light-headed, he became fully aware of his surroundings upon seeing that I had a different date written on his birth date! (I was just one day away, mind you, and that’s already an achievement.) Of course, I didn’t get away with it, and he was furious the entire drive home.

Also, I am quite ashamed to admit that despite having relationships, I was still sexually active “on the side.” I met up with guys online, and these were the times when I’ve had all kinds of encounters (and I mean all kinds). It felt safe being active at that time – I would immediately tell them that I had a partner and that the meet ups were just for sex. Some of course would deviate from the original agreement and become attached. I, on the other hand, could still be the heartless person that I was (or am).

I broke off my last relationship just at the start of the year. And for the first time in almost a decade, I am officially single. I don’t know what happened , but I had a change in perspective after that relationship. It has become harder for me to meet up with guys for the sole purpose of having sex. I guess it’s partly growing old, and partly getting tired of the whole process of flirting-meeting up-putting best foot forward-ending up in bed-repeat ten times over if pleasurable. I’ve been there, done that (countless numbers of times). I know it’s ironic now that I’m single and can actually and legally engage in the whole no-strings-attached sex. Perhaps it’s also because I no longer feel safe, and I’m scared that the next bedmate may be a potential partner. Or maybe it’s really just a phase every gay guy has to go through. Whatever it is, this whole “single life” I am currently encountering is entirely new to me, and while I am at a loss on how to deal with it, I am enjoying every learning step and I am looking forward to all possibilities that may behold. Whenever meeting up with guys who ask me what I am expecting, I always say that whatever happens, happens.

Stars

The stars lined up that night

One by one

Showing their majestic splendor

Only for me to find out

That the stars have long been dead

Even before they reached my line of sight

And all is gone

Except for the memory of the radiance that once was.