My Gay Guilty Pleasure

Is not beauty pageants or My Husband’s Lover or the cheer dance competition. If there is one ultimate give-away that I have, it is that I have been an avid fan of America’s Next Top Model (ANTM) for the longest time. I’ve been hooked since its third cycle, and have been following it ever since. It’s kinda weird, since I am neither into fashion (I am the least vain gay guy you’ll ever meet) nor modeling (I honestly don’t know how to tell a “good photo” from a bad one), but I like its reality-TV format and the different personalities of the contestants and the experiences they get from the show. I am more into ANTM this current cycle (20^th) since there are male contestants now, and boy, are they yummy.

www.hufftingtonpost.com

Here’s my favorite guy whom I’ve loved from day one.

Chris H. is not your typical boy-next-door good looking kind of guy, but he exudes so much manliness. And I feel those eyes staring back at me in his every picture, and my heart just melts. He is currently taking so much flak for being anti-social and having a repulsive attitude but I don’t really care.

www.wetpaint.com

While we’re at the subject, here are my Top 5 contestants of all time:

big-i-love-antm.blogspot.com

Ann Markkey (Cycle 3) –  She’s the reason why I got hooked on ANTM. I still consider her as having one of the prettiest faces among all contestants of ANTM.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

Ann Ward (Cycle 15) – This tall, awkward contestant seemed least likely to bag the top prize during her season, but she transforms into a classic beauty each time she was photographed.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

 Marjorie Conrad (Cycle 11) – I remember she lacked self-esteem, but every time she faced the camera, she was always giving it her all. I would never forget this picture of hers where she actually flushed the toilet with her foot during the photo shoot.

antm.wikia.com

McKey Sullivan (Cycle 11) – McKey had one of the best transformations in ANTM. She was given a pixie cut which showed off her pretty face that eventually made her win during her season. For me, she stands for elegance and beauty.

antmphotoshoots.tumblr.com

Allison Harvard (Cycles 12 & 17) – Allison is my ultimate favorite among all contestants. She’s not the classic beauty but her gaze and quirkiness would make you give her photos a second look. I believe she should have won when she came back for ANTM All-Stars Cycle.

Lost

www.prioritymoving.com

Lately, I’ve been feeling kind of lost. I’ve been wandering aimlessly, going about with everyday activities with no clear and definite goal I want to achieve in my life. I have this path that I go through but I’m not sure if it is the right one. I don’t know if I should enter that fork on the road, and gamble with fate and fight against destiny. I wonder if I will ever know if this path is the right one? Does anyone ever know? Does anyone even care to know?

I envy those who have that clear ultimate goal that they want to achieve. They know which path to take, and therefore they are able to map out their lives according to the “grand plan” pretty much in line with destiny. I, on the other hand, am left alone with nowhere to go but forward, simply because there is no other option. Add to that life’s (not-so) little surprises: an ailment here, burned relationships there, grand revelations everywhere.

I thought that a change in perspective would be good for me. I thought that life’s obstacles can be turned into a positive situation where realizations are made and paradigm shifts are started. However, it only leaves you yearning for more knowledge, more information, more answers to the ultimate question of, “Why me?”

I am writing with no coherent thought. Pretty much like my life right now. Do we really need coherence? Do we really need to understand? Or do we just take all the punches thrown our way, and stand up and fight again? Whoever knows, I hope you can tell me.

Breathe

Ironically, the most innate and natural thing that humans learn to do at the moment of birth, is the one thing that they forget to do when they reach adulthood.

http://www.fitness-weetjes.nl/basisregels-fitness/ademhaling-bij-fitness/

Breathe.

We get so caught up in worldly things that we forget to take time out to breathe. Remember, work will still continue even if you are not around. No matter how valuable you are to your company, no one is ever indispensable in work, even the big bosses.

Breathe.

Don’t take good health for granted. When you grow old, you may have all the resources in the world, but if you are weak and sickly, you will not have the luxury of enjoying all these. Don’t ever forget that check-up you promised yourself “when you have the time.”

Breathe.

Take time to smell the flowers. Enjoy the scenery. Travel. And spend time with your family. In the end, they are the most precious treasures one will ever have, even when all has been lost or when everyone else has faded away.

Breathe.

You’ve only got this one life to live, so might as well live it to the fullest. Don’t get caught up with endless errands to finish, things to organize, and people to please. Your endless rants will accomplish nothing. Just live. And breathe.

Shattered Dreams

http://www.bethszimmerman.com/2012/03/15/pain-2/

I used to call them shattered dreams.

Contrary to the popular advertisement, impossible is not nothing. Sometimes, restraints, physical or otherwise, truly render some dreams unrealizable. For, how can a child stricken with brain cancer ever fulfill his or her dreams of becoming a doctor and finding a cure for the sickness that has befallen him or her? And how can a person of unsound and unstable mind ever find a profession in the real world without fear of triggers of violent tendencies or the like? So many factors need to be considered when “aiming for the stars” and “reaching your dreams.”

This mindset is not exactly being negative about one’s aspirations in life. In the end, we should not view them as shattered dreams. We just learn to be realistic, and dream dreams that are within one’s reach. It’s not a complete surrender of aiming for the stars. Rather, it is an acceptance of who we are, and of the limitations given us. And in doing so, that’s what will truly make us content and happy.

Continue to dream. No dream is ever shattered if it were impossible to achieve to begin with.

Connection

http://humanconnectionproject.wordpress.com/

It is part of human nature that we all yearn for that connection with another human being. That connection varies in levels.

Some long for that physical connection, and this physicality further varies in degrees. While some may find a warm handshake or a tight hug or a pat on the back physically stimulating, others prefer a more sexual physical compatibility of satisfying their innermost fantasies and lustful pleasures.

Some long for that intellectual connection – that friend you can talk with for hours and hours, or that person whom you rarely see but would be there for you during your most vulnerable moments. Some even prefer that connection with a stranger whom you can tell your deepest darkest secrets, and that stranger is able to tell you as it is, no biases, no judgments. Some view this as a person whom you can discuss your different points of view or theories in life with. Or perhaps someone whom you share the same interests or ideologies with.

Some long for that emotional connection. Someone who understands what you’re going through, perhaps because that other person underwent the same or similar events in his or her life or just because that other person is a ready ear willing and able to listen. Someone whom you could cry with, be angry at, or just be silent with: no words are needed to be said for you to be comfortable and at ease with each other. The fact that the other person is there is enough.

No matter how much a person wishes to be alone at times, deep inside, what every person needs is a connection in whatever form, be it deep or merely superficial, with someone else in his life.

A Gay Lawyer's Brief Take on DOMA and Proposition 8

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2013/06/27/after-the-doma-ruling-faqs-about-the-rights-of-same-sex-couples/

Before the DOMA and Proposition 8 ruling of the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS), a good friend once asked me if I thought that same sex marriages would ever be recognized legally here in the Philippines. I had no doubt with my answer, “Not in this lifetime.” Regardless of how Philippine society has already matured and moved on from its conservative roots, the Church still has a strong hold on the laws passed by Congress. My friend then retorted, “Sa bagay, kung ang divorce nga ng legal couples, hindi ma-pass eh, ang same sex marriage pa kaya.” (“It makes sense since if divorce laws for legal couples cannot be passed, what more same sex marriages.”)

I then replied that realistically speaking, if same sex marriages cannot be legalized, what I truly hope for in this country is the passing of laws governing same sex unions. Under the Family Code, property relations between a man and a wife who are “living in” are provided for. Property relations between same sex couples, however, are not, since they are considered void ab initio and can never ripen into validity for being against public morals. At the very least, I hope that laws are passed giving same sex unions some rights as regards property and inheritance if they meet certain standards that would make them pass as “ordinary” couples.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/jun/26/supreme-court-doma-prop-8-rulings

This is the reason why I, together with the entire LGBT community, was elated with the decision of the SCOTUS in United States v. Windsor which struck down a provision in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that denies federal benefits to legally married same-sex couples such as Social Security benefits. The decision, penned by Justice Anthony Kennedy, recognized the equal dignity of same sex marriages. The case was filed by Edie Windsor, an 83-year old lesbian who married her partner after living together for more than four decades. Upon the death of her partner, Windsor inherited her partner’s estate but was charged with a huge amount of estate taxes since the then prevailing DOMA did not recognize her as the legal spouse. The victory of Windsor in the SCOTUS signified not only the return of the taxes she had paid, but a victory of the world-wide LGBT community, especially those affected and living in the U.S.

With the Windsor decision, the SCOTUS likewise ruled on the unconstitutionality of Proposition 8 (the State of California’s ban on same-sex marriages) albeit based on a mere technicality. Hollingsworth v. Perry was dismissed on the ground that the defendants did not have legal standing in court. Being mere private individuals who were not defended by public officials, i.e. the attorney-general , the defendants were deemed to have no capacity to sue in support of Proposition 8. The Hollingsworth decision does not have as much impact as the Windsor decision, since the SCOTUS in the former case did not dwell on its substantial issues. However, the result is something the LGBT community can be happy about since it, in effect, reinstated a lower court’s decision which ruled that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2013/06/27/gay-marriage-immigration/

The Windsor and Hollingsworth cases may not have a compelling effect in Philippine law. After all, our Civil Code (which includes the laws on family and property relations) was based on Spanish, and not American, laws. The Philippine Supreme Court rarely cites U.S. cases as legal basis for family courts cases; these are more common in commercial cases which involve the Corporation Code or transactional cases. However, given the strong influence which the U.S. has over Philippine culture, I am hopeful that this is the start of a paradigm shift which our country has against the LGBT community which would result in equality among all peoples – be they straight or otherwise.

Last night

Photo courtesy of http://ajtun.com/tag/ann-erpino/

Last night,

I found myself crying in my sleep.

I woke up and realized

that my nightmare was an impending reality:

a wicked truth I have been hiding from

and would eventually have to face.

Sleep was no longer a respite

from the vicious snares of certainty.

I found myself crying

not because of dreadful thoughts

but because of truth

and life itself.