My Gay Guilty Pleasure

Is not beauty pageants or My Husband’s Lover or the cheer dance competition. If there is one ultimate give-away that I have, it is that I have been an avid fan of America’s Next Top Model (ANTM) for the longest time. I’ve been hooked since its third cycle, and have been following it ever since. It’s kinda weird, since I am neither into fashion (I am the least vain gay guy you’ll ever meet) nor modeling (I honestly don’t know how to tell a “good photo” from a bad one), but I like its reality-TV format and the different personalities of the contestants and the experiences they get from the show. I am more into ANTM this current cycle (20^th) since there are male contestants now, and boy, are they yummy.

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Here’s my favorite guy whom I’ve loved from day one.

Chris H. is not your typical boy-next-door good looking kind of guy, but he exudes so much manliness. And I feel those eyes staring back at me in his every picture, and my heart just melts. He is currently taking so much flak for being anti-social and having a repulsive attitude but I don’t really care.

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While we’re at the subject, here are my Top 5 contestants of all time:

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Ann Markkey (Cycle 3) –  She’s the reason why I got hooked on ANTM. I still consider her as having one of the prettiest faces among all contestants of ANTM.

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Ann Ward (Cycle 15) – This tall, awkward contestant seemed least likely to bag the top prize during her season, but she transforms into a classic beauty each time she was photographed.

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 Marjorie Conrad (Cycle 11) – I remember she lacked self-esteem, but every time she faced the camera, she was always giving it her all. I would never forget this picture of hers where she actually flushed the toilet with her foot during the photo shoot.

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McKey Sullivan (Cycle 11) – McKey had one of the best transformations in ANTM. She was given a pixie cut which showed off her pretty face that eventually made her win during her season. For me, she stands for elegance and beauty.

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Allison Harvard (Cycles 12 & 17) – Allison is my ultimate favorite among all contestants. She’s not the classic beauty but her gaze and quirkiness would make you give her photos a second look. I believe she should have won when she came back for ANTM All-Stars Cycle.

Lost

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Lately, I’ve been feeling kind of lost. I’ve been wandering aimlessly, going about with everyday activities with no clear and definite goal I want to achieve in my life. I have this path that I go through but I’m not sure if it is the right one. I don’t know if I should enter that fork on the road, and gamble with fate and fight against destiny. I wonder if I will ever know if this path is the right one? Does anyone ever know? Does anyone even care to know?

I envy those who have that clear ultimate goal that they want to achieve. They know which path to take, and therefore they are able to map out their lives according to the “grand plan” pretty much in line with destiny. I, on the other hand, am left alone with nowhere to go but forward, simply because there is no other option. Add to that life’s (not-so) little surprises: an ailment here, burned relationships there, grand revelations everywhere.

I thought that a change in perspective would be good for me. I thought that life’s obstacles can be turned into a positive situation where realizations are made and paradigm shifts are started. However, it only leaves you yearning for more knowledge, more information, more answers to the ultimate question of, “Why me?”

I am writing with no coherent thought. Pretty much like my life right now. Do we really need coherence? Do we really need to understand? Or do we just take all the punches thrown our way, and stand up and fight again? Whoever knows, I hope you can tell me.