My “relationship credentials” look very good on paper.
Whenever someone asks me how many previous serious relationships I’ve had, I am
quick with my reply. I’ve had two serious relationships: the first one was for
almost seven years, and the next was for almost three years. All of the guys
who ask (mostly from online) are equally quick with their common response –
that I’m good with commitment and I’m definitely a keeper. I beg to differ.
I am not and will never be the sweet and thoughtful type of
partner. I think there are just some people who are like that (me, for
example). I am not the type who will send a message first. I also made it known
right away with my exes that I am not the type to remember anniversaries, even
more so monthsaries (and weeksaries!) However, I did make a concession that we
can celebrate such occasions provided I am given prior notice. I remember what
happened with my first ex whom I once brought to the hospital ER after having
an accident at home. I was filling up his patient information form when
suddenly, from a state of being fazed and light-headed, he became fully aware
of his surroundings upon seeing that I had a different date written on his
birth date! (I was just one day away, mind you, and that’s already an
achievement.) Of course, I didn’t get away with it, and he was furious the
entire drive home.
Also, I am quite ashamed to admit that despite having relationships,
I was still sexually active “on the side.” I met up with guys online, and these
were the times when I’ve had all kinds of encounters (and I mean all kinds).
It felt safe being active at that time – I would immediately tell them that I
had a partner and that the meet ups were just for sex. Some of course would
deviate from the original agreement and become attached. I, on the other hand,
could still be the heartless person that I was (or am).
I broke off my last relationship just at the start of the
year. And for the first time in almost a decade, I am officially single. I
don’t know what happened , but I had a change in perspective after that
relationship. It has become harder for me to meet up with guys for the sole
purpose of having sex. I guess it’s partly growing old, and partly getting
tired of the whole process of flirting-meeting up-putting best foot
forward-ending up in bed-repeat ten times over if pleasurable. I’ve been there,
done that (countless numbers of times). I know it’s ironic now that I’m single
and can actually and legally engage in the whole no-strings-attached sex.
Perhaps it’s also because I no longer feel safe, and I’m scared that the next
bedmate may be a potential partner. Or maybe it’s really just a phase every gay
guy has to go through. Whatever it is, this whole “single life” I am currently
encountering is entirely new to me, and while I am at a loss on how to deal
with it, I am enjoying every learning step and I am looking forward to all possibilities
that may behold. Whenever meeting up with guys who ask me what I am expecting,
I always say that whatever happens, happens.
4 comments:
You're just being true to yourself panyero. Probably it's just a phase. In my case, there had been temptations but I managed to shun them all. The most challenging phase happened in 2010 when I almost, should I say, did the deed with someone else out of anger and frustration with my long-time partner (he's a doctor) when guilt took over and I went home and made up with him. Now on our 10th year, I realized I love him more than anything. Gee, I guess our friends are right to say that we make a perfect team though our worlds are completely apart - at least professionally. Hope to chance upon you in court haha!
I think it's part of the "maturity" we experience. The last time I went out clubbing, I had the guts to say that " I no longer do threesomes" with a couple who flanked me in the dance floor. No regrets there, even if both were good-looking. Just realized that if I'm a bit younger, I wouldn't mind going home with them.
Now it's my turn to think of a lot of things after reading your post.
Hi Jake. Perhaps you were able to shun all temptations because of your sheer discipline. I, on the other hand, am a different breed. Hehe. Let's just see how the story unfolds. :) I'm happy for you and your partner. I feel glad whenever I hear success stories of gay men partnerships. It gives me hope that someday, I can possibly attain that, too. Re: the seeing each other in court, there's a slim chance that would happen. I didn't go the litigation route, though I still appear in court from time to time. I like transactional legal matters better. :) Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!
Hey Joms. Let's see where this "maturity" will lead us, and how long this will last. Hehe. Ah, the joys of being young(er) - you're more casual and daring. I wonder if this whole "growing up" thing is for the better? :)
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