My So-Called (Gay) Life

I won’t deny it - I’ve been gay for as long as I can remember. During my childhood years, I’ve always been attracted to men – MacGyver, Jason Bateman in Teen Wolf, Neil Patrick Harris in Doogie Howser, and yes, even the New Kids on the Block were on the top of my list. (Yes, I’m old.)

But growing up in a world where being gay is taboo, I went on with the “normal” routine of liking girls and hanging out with the boys. I guess what confused me all the more is that I was not your pre-conceived notion of a gay guy. I was not into dolls, I never thought of cross-dressing, and I most certainly did not have a penchant for Barbra Streisand, Cher or Mariah Carey. In fact, I was into sports (and excelling, at that), and was the kid who was among those picked first in barnyard games. I’ve had my fair share of being teased and bullied perhaps because of my delicate actions, but on the average, I think I grew up as “normal” as I could.

I guess I started gaining my confidence when I went to college. It was a completely different environment and I started gaining the respect of my peers both in personal and work-related matters. It was at this time that I discovered freedom and met more “people like me,” yet still, I hung on to my act of being straight and “normal.” I continued with being a well-rounded individual – a student leader, an athlete and a fair student with no failing marks. This went on until law school where I felt I gained even greater respect especially from colleagues who were achievers in their own right.

Fast forward to today. I’ve actually learned to finally accept myself for who I am. Recently, I came out of the closet to my closest friends and to my family, all of whom are extremely supportive of me. Though we don’t really talk about my being gay often with my family, the fact that they know about me and that nothing has changed makes me feel comfortable and happy. I don’t need my dad to tell me, “You’re gay, but I still love you.” (with matching hug afterwards). Indeed, actions speak louder than words. And from the actions of my family, they’re completely accepting of my sexuality, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m still not completely out to the public, though. I guess it would take a bit more time. But having said all that, I think I am ready to tell other close friends about my sexuality if they ask me about it. To hell what other people think. In this lifetime, I’ve established myself to be a good and respected person. I’ve made personal and professional achievements which I can be proud of, and if someone doesn’t agree with my sexuality, then those people shouldn’t really matter to begin with.

I’ve been carrying on in this journey since I was born. We are all born with burdens - mine was living the secret life of being gay. But burdens need not forever hamper your personal growth. Take it one step at a time. Learn to accept what is given to you. In time, you’ll realize that the most important thing in your life is not what other people think about you, but it is how you learn to love yourself for who you are.